Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
