____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
