he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
