arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
