how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
