Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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