Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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