Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
