you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
