So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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