I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
