I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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