That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
