Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no you cant smoke seaweed
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
