Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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