i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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