Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
