I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
