guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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