woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
