i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
