He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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