You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
