I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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