spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
