Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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