Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
