At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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