While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My pussy is not your playground.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
