I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
