My underwear smells like fireworks.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
