well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
