not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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