I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
