Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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