I wannas sexs uuuuu
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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