I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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