I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
