oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
