I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you never un-have a 4some
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
