I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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