I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
