I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
