I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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