MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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