The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
