we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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