You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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