You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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