...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
