don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The Olympian is in my bed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
