don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
