Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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