It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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