shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
